How Not to Become an Embittered Expat

If you’ve ever lived abroad for any significant amount of time, chances are you’ve met an embittered expat – somebody who just can’t find anything positive to say about their host country.  Although we all arrive doe-eyed and full of excitement for our new home, our host country inevitably takes an emotional toll on us.  How we cope with this emotional stress, however is up to us.  And so, should you find yourself ever living abroad for a stint, here are my recommendations to avoid becoming that sulking, host-country hating expat.

 1.  Realize that the host country’s culture is designed to make its citizens comfortable, NOT you.

This one is pretty simple, but often overlooked.  Some things the host country does are strange to you.  Cool.  Recognize that your normal is not their normal, and that’s okay.

2.  Research your destination!

I think we all like the idea somewhat of throwing ourselves into a place we know nothing about and experiencing everything anew.  It’s romantic notion, but life abroad rarely works out that way.  Adjusting to a new normal is a painful process, but it can be made easier if you understand the reasons behind why the new normal exists.  Plus, the more you know about your host country before arriving, the less of a burden you become to its citizens – something they’ll appreciate.

3.  Invest in your host country

This is probably the most important thing I’ve discovered since my move to Korea.  Find ways to get involved and give back to your host country.  Join a club, volunteer, host an event.  Simply put, give yourself a reason to not want to leave your host country.

4.  Learn the language

This could be combined with number 3, but it’s a bit more of an endeavor so I think it deserves its own special mention.  Korean is a VERY difficult language, and I’m no means fluent, even though I’ve dedicated hundreds of hours to studying it since my arrival.  That being said, the limited Korean skill that I do possess has made life infinitely easier and more normal for me.  I feel like less of a shiny foreign object at work and more like a regular staff member.  I have access (albeit limited) to a large portion of the population that either can’t or chooses not to speak English.  Additionally, learning the language will always get you respect from the host country.  Continuing my Korean studies is also probably the number one thing I was looking forward to coming back to after my August vacation.

Assuming you have the means to do so, living abroad is something I wholeheartedly believe everyone should experience at least once.  The lessons learned while abroad are not easily forgotten.  So, if you ever find yourself in a new country for a duration of time, I hope these tips help!

I Don't Wanna Grow Up!

I always like to joke about how I’ll always be an angsty teenager at heart, forever seeing the world as unfair and fighting the “establishment” (whatever the hell that is).  And to be honest, there is some truth to that.  The world is unfair, and much of what we do is, consciously or not, dictated by our respective cultures.  But all that is kind of beside the point of this post, which is me wondering and rambling about why we tend to glorify youth.

In his book, The World until Yesterday, Jared Diamond talks a bit about the “cult of youth” we’ve created in many countries today, and it’s really stuck with me.  The cult of youth is in America, and it’s very much in Korea as well.  Young holds more value than old.  Young is fast, pretty, and exciting.  Old is…well, old.  People talk about growing up as if their life is ending; they resign themselves to certain activities because they’re “too old” for that.

True, some things should be given up as we age (like stupid decisions involving alcohol), but ageing doesn’t have to be seen as this slow march towards inevitable death. Rather, as you age I think you should always be challenging yourself in different ways.  Set goals of what you want to be doing in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s…etc.  Then, when you hit those landmark ages, instead of looking back on the days you’ll never get back, look ahead to the things you’ll accomplish in the coming years, but couldn’t before.

The youthful part of our lives just seems more valuable because that’s all we see in pop culture, but being young and pretty is only a small fraction of our lives here.  If we spend most of our lives glorifying and reminiscing about the times we had and how we looked in our youth, then we’ve just wasted the majority of our lives.

I know I won’t be 25 forever, and growing up does indeed scare me.  However, I very much look forward to the things I’ll be able to work on in my later years that I can’t work on right now. 

There is indeed value in all ages.

To Feel At Home

It takes a lot of effort to truly feel at home in a foreign country.  The reason home feels so good is because everything is familiar.  We know what will happen, when it will happen, and why it will happen.  Of course, that familiarity is completely absent on arrival in a foreign country.

I remember being first dropped off at my apartment last March and subsequently going out for a stroll.  As I walked around my new neighborhood, I felt slightly overwhelmed at the idea of living in this little enclave called Guyeong-ri.  It’s a 30-40-minute bus ride outside the city center, and very much a family oriented neighborhood – Not exactly a happening place full of young people.  Nonetheless, I made a mental decision that day to really make this place home. 

Now, just over 1 year later, I can honestly say that I feel like a part of the community here.  There’s the guy at my local convenience mart who always wants to practice English and give me free gimbap.  There’s the women at one of my favorite restaurants who always ask me how my job is, and if the students are well behaved that week.  There’s my favorite little hike right outside my door that affords me a view of the entire city.  And of course, there are always my students who wave and say hi to me literally every time I leave my house.

I always kind of chuckle to myself when I tell people where I live in Ulsan.  More often than not, people feel sorry for me, because where I live is “the countryside”.  But to me Guyeong-ri is and always will be my Korean home.  I only wish I could show it to more people.